Jar of Hearts

My Mothers Day began at midnight.

On the dot.

My children had been conspiring all evening, dropping hints about my fabulous gift and how much I would love it. At the stroke of midnight, they couldn't stand it any longer. Since it was officially Mothers Day, I needed my gift right then and there.

Let me just say, this has not been an easy year to be a mom - 2015 has been an unbelievably challenging year so far. I have questioned myself, my parenting, my life choices...and have found precious few answers. Watching your child struggle is incredibly hard. Knowing you can't fix it is even worse. This year has been plagued with uncertainty, fear, worry, and heartbreak. It has also been a time of renewal, in a way. We are rebuilding our bonds, learning how to support each other in different ways, and generally starting over. It's getting better, bit by bit, but it is still difficult.

This gift was a collaboration between siblings who, all too often, are fighting or arguing. Instead, they spent time together, hidden away in a bedroom so they could surprise me. They made me a jar that was filled with little notes, each sealed with a sticker. There are enough to open one every day for the rest of May and all of June (and I'm promised refills after that). Each note is a little packet of love.

I think this is my favorite Mothers Day gift ever. I have a journal, a gift from a friend, that will be the new home for all of my notes. Of all the things they could have given me, this is what I needed most. They put a piece of their hearts into each little note, and then they filled my jar with hearts. Maybe on days when I doubt, this will help me remember that I'm doing something right. On days when I cry, it will remind me that I'm loved. On days when I feel like I'm being pushed away, they can remind me that it's only on the surface and only for a while.

When my heart is running low, I can go to my jar of hearts for a refill. ❤️